My uncle passed away and his internment was this past weekend. He was married to my beloved aunt for 57 years. They were the epitome of what a happy marriage should and could be. Their devotion to each other was unsurpassed by anyone I have ever met and their eight children adored them both. To witness the grief of this loving family during the mass and at the cemetery tore my heart in two. I wept for their loss, my own feelings trivial in compare.
The passing of a beloved family member is a profoundly sad occasion and when that person is beloved by everyone, even non-family members; it is even more difficult to bear the sorrow that tears at your heart. Not only will his large and loving family miss him in their lives, my uncle will be missed everyday by so many people; from the waitress who will look up when the bell over her door tinkles, expecting to see him arriving for coffee and toast, to the tellers at the bank, to the cashiers at the grocery store, to the driver of the bus his grandchildren ride. All of them and so very many more will miss him everyday for a long, long time.
The memory of my cousins standing in a protective circle around their mother at the gravesite while military honors were performed and final prayers and blessings said is both sad and loving. The wake was memorable, no one has ever been sent to heaven with as many blessings and as much laughter as he was. The send off was done in grand style and in accordance with my uncle’s wishes. We followed his wishes that we celebrate his life and remember him fondly. In direct violation of his wishes we cried as well, but he must have been forgiving us as he looked down because it was never long before someone would tell another tale and the smiles would once again emerge. He had lived a long and good life. He fought in WWII and Korea, he married his soul mate, he raised eight children and he had friends who would have given their life for him. He was a quiet man with a set of values that were carved in stone. He did not tolerate deliberate wrong behaviors, but he understood that we are all human and he would help to make it right when a bad choice was made. He was a proud man and he was an honorable man. He had a sense of humor that set him apart from his peers. He never used foul language in front of his wife, daughters, granddaughters, nieces, any female. He stood by every member of his family, and if your name was listed somewhere in the family tree then you were ‘his family’. How fortunate we were to have shared his life and we are all better people because of him.
I now believe that the reason for a wake is to pull the living back from the brink of despair as soon after the funeral as possible. My family has always done a fine job of putting on a great party and this sad occasion was no exception. It is a good thing we were so many and so strong at this time for without the amount of love and laughter we shared that sad, sad day the grief would have been too much to handle. Family is what it is, but we need our kin to share the ups and downs of being in a family. My cousins are my kin and we share a bond, now more than ever. I will miss you too Uncle Bill, for a long, long time.
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